FAMILY...

 FAMILY...

The vision we have of ourselves is of a perfect person, isn't it? We are, in our imagination, the best people in the world... selfless, always ready to donate our best for those around us... always ready to be last so that those people we care for are always well, happy and comfortable. It doesn't matter the size of the sacrifice we have to make to achieve such an intention. It doesn't matter if we fail to do something that we really want, if leaving our desire aside we are able to supply any need that our group may have. Yes, this is our self-image... the selfless person, the caring person, the always present person... but do you know what I discovered? This is not the image that people close and dear to us have of us... or, at least, this is not the image that my loved ones have of me... what I propose to do is not enough for them. I will not say that I am right in my position. Only that it was a shock for me to discover, from one moment to another, that I am not at all what, at least for them, I imagined.

I discovered, for example, that my children resent me for the way I raised them when they were little. My God, I always did my best so that they were at least comfortable... I won't talk about how many things I had to give up things that were important to me, to supply them with what they needed, because that was my obligation. How many and how many times have I spent sleepless nights so that they could have their quiet little life... as far as possible, of course... without having to worry about anything other than being children? And this is also reflected in my partner... as much as I do and show my love, my affection, she doesn't make a point of showing that I have failed... I just don't know where. In fact, sometimes I don't understand how we've been together for so long, since apparently I don't match what she wants. But then we enter another minefield, explosive. Better let it go.

All I can say is that I always gave my all to everyone around me. I never measured efforts to assist anyone who asked me for help, no matter who it was. I never minded giving my last piece of bread to someone else if they came to ask for it. And I've always tried to put the needs of others above my own... I've always been my last priority. But it seems that this is not enough, is it?

Well, at least I already know what my destiny will be when I finally find myself unable to continue fighting for life... alone and abandoned...