FEAR OF LONELINESS

 FEAR OF LONELINESS

I know you made your castles

And dreamed of being saved from the dragon

Disappointment, my dear

When he woke up, there was no one

Alone in the silence of your room

Seek your savior's sword

Who despairs in the dream

Will never be able to deliver you from the beast

from solitude

And again I'm going to use a poem by Erasmo Carlos... this time, one that talks about the fear we have of being alone and, consequently, we end up wishing that someone would come and save us from that loneliness...

First of all, let's clarify something very important... the loneliness that the song... and I... are referring to is loving loneliness. That fear we have of not finding our partner, and having to walk the paths of life without someone to share our dreams with. Eh, but wait, you're going to tell me, there are people who live very well alone and don't miss someone by their side at all times... yes, I know! There are people and there are people. We have a group that cannot imagine facing life alone and we have another that manages to take their steps along the paths of destiny without caring if they have someone to share their achievements with or not. But... do they ever miss having someone by their side? I can't say...

I'm an introverted person. I'm more comfortable when I'm alone in my corner, immersed in my thoughts. However, I cannot live really alone, without someone by my side to share my victories and defeats. How do I know this? Well, I lived alone for some time, not by choice, but by circumstances of life. I think it's better to tell you what really happened, so that you understand...

I was about twenty-two, twenty-three... of course I lived with my parents, and of course I was single... my brother was already married, and I had two more little brothers, a boy of five and a three-year-old girl...my parents were facing yet another of the many crises in their marriage. My father had a lover and he just decided, one fine day, that he would leave our house and go live with his new love.... simple as that! Of course my mother felt the blow, and resolved to return to her parents' house... and so she decided, and so she did. She left with her suitcase and took care of my little brothers to the interior... she asked if I didn't want to go too, since I was unemployed at the time. But actually living in the countryside was never my dream, and I chose to stay... and suddenly the house became huge for me... during the day everything was fine, after all I had the company of my brother and his wife... .but when they retired to their home and I was alone, trapped between the four walls with no one to talk to or even just to feel their presence... my God, what a horrible feeling! I felt lost in the middle of nowhere, wishing the night would pass quickly, so I could return to the light and feel life around me again. Yes, I was trapped in the castle and I needed to be rescued, to be saved from the dragon of loneliness. It was three months in this life, until my parents reconciled and moved back in together again. It was an indescribable relief, is all I can say.

Yes, I know that there are people who have no problem living alone and being away from other people for a good period of time. But, I repeat... I'm not like that. I'm introverted. I like to be alone in my corner. But I need to know that there are people around me who are ready to help me, who are there to help me in the fight against the ghost of loneliness, against the dragon...

Yes, I need to feel wanted and wanted by my partner. I feel a huge need to feel loved at all times. Even if I don't express my desire, I need him to guess what I feel and cover me with kisses, to feel protected... a look, a kind word... that's all it really takes to feel- hold me...

We don't usually express our feelings all the time... we think that our peers have a crystal ball and will always guess what's going through our head... and we get upset when, for one reason or another, they can't comply the expectations we have of them... which are our expectations, not theirs...

Our fear of being lonely is such that, although it seems odd, we often get involved in a toxic relationship, which does more harm than good... and we refuse to recognize that that particular relationship is not being healthy for us.. .in our head, the feeling of "bad with him, worse without him" seems to make all the sense in the world... and we know that reality is not quite like that...

It's eight-thirty in the morning of this beautiful, sunny Saturday... although the weather forecast says it might rain after two in the afternoon. It can rain without a problem, after all we need water... right now the thermometers are showing 23ºC and, unlike yesterday when the feeling of cold dominated the whole environment, today the feeling is exactly the opposite... it seems that we are already almost thirty degrees...

May God grant us the most beautiful Saturday we've ever had in our lives, and may he make our burdens light, so that we have strength to overcome life's mishaps... See you tomorrow, God willing...